


i don’t wanna die so young (got so much to do)

by trashystories



Series: music is therapy but you’re my drug [8]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Good Sibling Allison Hargreeves, Good Sibling Ben Hargreeves, Good Sibling Diego Hargreeves, Good Sibling Klaus Hargreeves, Good Sibling Luther Hargreeves, Good Sibling Vanya Hargreeves, Hurt Number Five | The Boy, Hurt/Comfort, Loneliness, Number Five | The Boy Has Issues, Number Five | The Boy Needs A Hug, Number Five | The Boy has PTSD, Number Five | The Boy-centric, i am hella sad somebody come validate me, they are all trying their best
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:40:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24489136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashystories/pseuds/trashystories
Summary: Sometimes, the world felt a bit too heavy.His responsibilities sometimes felt like they were burning him from the inside out.It didn’t take an expert to deduce that he was overwhelmed.But, to share his burden meant to admit defeat. He had been alone for so long. It was all he knew how to do now.To be alone.ORFive can’t shake some old habits from the apocalypse. His family is here to help. TRIGGER WARNING for mild discussion of eating disorders.
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy & Allison Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Ben Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Diego Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Grace Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Klaus Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Luther Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Vanya Hargreeves
Series: music is therapy but you’re my drug [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1759588
Comments: 23
Kudos: 538





	i don’t wanna die so young (got so much to do)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys I had such a bad night tonight so I don’t know if this is good or not? Like I totally just sobbed for the last three hours straight? i am doing great - not like i just found out that none of my friends actually care abt me??? that doesn’t matter tho baes because i have got this lovely internet platform to project all my feelings onto! 
> 
> why am i so sad.
> 
> OH WELL enjoy this mess!!!

Sometimes, the world felt a bit too heavy. 

His responsibilities sometimes felt like they were burning him from the inside out. 

It didn’t take an expert to deduce that he was overwhelmed. 

But, to share his burden meant to admit defeat. He had been alone for so long. It was all he knew how to do now. 

To be alone. 

So, he shouldered the weight of the world on his own. Most days, he was great at ignoring the tightness within his chest, and the raw panic that threatened to flood his mind whenever he so much as let his guard down for a moment. 

Today, was not like most days. 

He was tired. 

Physically and mentally. 

Physically, he hadn’t slept for a total of 49 hours (not like he was counting or anything), and really he hadn’t had a _restful_ sleep since before the choices he made that led to his apocalyptic home. 

It felt odd, to call it a home. But that’s what it was. Not a home in the emotional sense, with the whole _“the home is where the heart is”_ bullshit. It was a literal home. He slept there, ate there, lost his mind there. 

Home was familiarity. He knew the apocalypse, sometimes he was worried that was all he knew now. He worried he couldn’t remember how to live without worrying about his next meal, or whether he would starve or freeze to death, or whether his own mind would get the better of him and he’d throw himself off a pile of rubble that used to be a building, dying alone in his own personal hell. 

He hadn’t eaten in a while, now he thought about it. In the apocalypse, the privilege of eating was something that came rarely once a week, and when it did, it was nothing gourmet like it was now. It was cockroaches, and maybe the occasional canned soup if he could stumble upon it. 

He was used to starving. So much so that now the idea of food sparked such a riot within his mind. 

_He should save it. He’ll never know when food like this will come his way again. But no, this food won’t last. He needs to eat it all **now.**_

He didn’t think his siblings noticed it. They were all too absorbed in their own drama, and Vanya was rarely around, her sketchy boyfriend always whisking her away some place for a secluded meal. 

So, that’s why it surprised him so much when he was approached about it. By all of them. 

He was sitting on the couch in the living room, nursing a coffee for his aching head whilst he one-handedly wrote in his extra ordinary copy, when they ambushed him. 

Usually, he was better than this. His walls were solid and sturdy, and nothing could ever break them.

The strongest things always break the hardest. 

They sat around him, Vanya’s delicate hand easing away the book within his grasp, as all eyes turned on him. It was Luther that spoke first. 

“Five. We know you haven’t been eating. We want you to talk to us”

Well, subtlety was always Luther’s strong suit. Four of his siblings glared at the bigger man, whilst Five was at a loss for words. 

“I-uh-um”

Yea. Nice going Five. Really articulate. 

Allison spoke next, moving to hold his hands in her own, firm and comforting, unfamiliar to his own, burning skin. 

“We just want to be here for you”

The phrase, although well meaning, struck a dangerous chord with him. They wanted to be here for him? It is not them that needed to repent. _He_ left. Not them. And he’ll spend every _goddamn_ day of his life making it to them, and himself. 

To his surprise, his anger didn’t reach his breath. 

“I should’ve been there for you. All of you.”

He cursed himself at how weak he sounded, how his voice broke and his lip wobbled. 

He was so tired. 

“Oh, honey”

Klaus, to his left, shrugged his arm around Five, pulling him to lean slightly against his chest, whilst Vanya, on his left, stroked soothing circles on his arm. Luther ruffled his hair, and Allison wiped his cheek. Hell, even Diego patted his knee. 

He’d never had so many people touch him at once. Not in love, anyway. 

He was so overwhelmed. So he did the one thing he swore he would never do in front of anyone, ever. 

He sobbed. 

“I’m s-sorry”

He felt like he couldn’t breathe. All this panic and pain and fear that he had kept shut up within him had finally broken through to surface, and he felt like he was suffocating. 

He felt so weak. 

He was so angry at himself. 

Angry for leaving. 

Angry for failing. 

Angry for being weak. 

He could still feel it. He could feel the ash floating in the air, dousing his lungs in burning hot poison. He could feel his screams, bubbling in his throat, as he buried his siblings. 

He could feel their cold, dead bodies, and the way they stayed dead, even though he shook them, and cried and screamed and begged. 

His siblings stayed in silence while he cried, their comforting presence and unwavering support enough to calm him down, slowly. 

Diego spoke next, his voice a tone Five had thought was reserved for mum (mom??) and her alone. 

“What’s going on, Five?”

He took a deep breath, and realised that finally he could breathe. 

Maybe he could tell them. Maybe it would be okay to get some help. 

Maybe he didn’t have to be alone anymore. 

He took another deep breath. He could do this. 

So, he told them. All about the apocalypse he was so afraid of, and how badly he needed to stop it. 

And they listened to every word. 

* * *

When dinner rolled around for the night, everybody held their breath as Five’s plate was served. 

He pondered it for a moment, an unreadable expression dancing across his face for only a moment before he shook it off, and dug into his food. 

Within himself, Five felt lighter. He felt as though something had changed. 

A week later, the world was still standing, and Five had yet another family dinner. 

**Author's Note:**

> You did it!!! You finished the story, congrats! I love you!! Anyway, this is what would have happened if they had just talked it out like functional human beings.
> 
> Cannot relate. 
> 
> Have a lovely day my loves! Stay safe!!!


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